


What Is This Feeling?

by onyxjay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Demiromantic Remus Lupin, Demisexual Remus Lupin, FEELINGS ARE WEIRD, Feelings Realization, Hogwarts Fifth Year, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Misunderstandings, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:27:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26513671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onyxjay/pseuds/onyxjay
Summary: Sirius laughed. It was a lovely sound, Remus thought idly. “As if you need to spend an hour in the shower. You're pretty enough.”His face went a little pink, and Remus felt something stir in his stomach. This wasn't the first time this sensation had happened, but it was still rather puzzling. Why did Remus get these strange feelings? It wasn't like this was the first time he'd been complimented; James liked to joke about how quickly Remus would catch the girls' attention if he kept punching puberty in the face — as James so eloquently put it.In which Remus realizes he may see Sirius in a different light than everyone else.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 81
Collections: Harry Potter Ace Fest 2020





	What Is This Feeling?

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: demi Remus realizing he only has feelings for Sirius
> 
> (Also, me using song titles that sound good but otherwise don’t have any similarity to the fic? It’s very likely.)

If there was one thing Remus did not like, it was that big, bright ball of gas that dared to rise in the morning. He opened his eyes blearily and immediately snapped them shut again. Couldn't the sun wait at least another hour or two before announcing its presence?

"Good morning, Moony!"

And couldn't James wait four hours — at least — before speaking?

Remus groaned in response.

"Yes, yes, you're tired and you'd rather bury your head in a cauldron. Now let's go! I'm starving!"

"Lay off him, Prongs."

A jolt through Remus' body. It was Sirius, and his voice was as welcoming as the gentle hand that laid across his shoulder.

"But really, Moony, you better get up before James and Peter start chewing the bedsheets."

Remus cracked open one eye. The sunlight outlined Sirius' head in a pale golden-white. His hair fell in waves around his face and his eyes were bright and gray. In other words, he looked the same as always: very good-looking and full of energy.

An urge to run his hand through that thick mane rose inside Remus, but he pushed it away. "I'm up, I'm up." He sat up, rubbing his eyes.

Sirius beamed and bounced off the bed, causing it to shudder.

Remus took his time getting ready, taking an extra-long shower, and by the time he was dressed and awake, James had already gone with Peter. Only Sirius remained behind to wait.

"Honestly, Remus, you're starting to act more like James each day," he remarked, shaking his head.

"Can't a prefect try to look his best?" Remus said.

Sirius laughed. It was a lovely sound, Remus thought idly. "As if you need to spend an hour in the shower. You're pretty enough."

His face went a little pink, and Remus felt something stir in his stomach. This wasn't the first time this sensation had happened, but it was still rather puzzling. Why did Remus get these strange feelings? It wasn't like this was the first time he'd been complimented; James liked to joke about how quickly Remus would catch the girls' attention if he kept punching puberty in the face — as James so eloquently put it.

Sirius broke the silence. "Anyway, we better hurry or else Peter will eat everything. Or James. Maybe I should send him another salt lick."

Remus snorted. The first time Sirius had done so, James had lobbed it back in Sirius' face. Sirius had never looked so offended.

As they walked into the Great Hall, they saw that their friends had already begun eating. A copy of the _Daily Prophet_ lay next to them, but judging by the fact they weren't reading it, nothing of significance had caught their attention.

A few girls sitting a few seats away looked up as Remus and Sirius passed.

"Morning, Remus," one of them said.

"Morning," Remus replied, smiling.

For some reason, the girls started giggling. Bemused, Remus stared at them until Sirius said sharply, "Are we eating or not?"

Taken aback by his tone, Remus rushed to sit down. Sirius took the seat next to him, scowling at the girls before loading his plate.

James had paused with his fork raised halfway to his mouth when Sirius had spoken. Now he slowly lowered it. "You okay, Sirius?"

"Course I am," Sirius replied, although he was clenching a fist around his knife. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well..." Peter looked over at the girls, who were casting glances at them, and then at Sirius.

"Maybe if you had taken an hour-long shower like I did, they would have noticed you," Remus tried to joke.

Sirius looked at him and his agitation seemed to melt. "Yeah, maybe," he said with a half grin.

They continued eating, satisfied that whatever had taken hold had vanished.

As Remus ate, he couldn't help but cast a sidelong glance at Sirius. His hair wasn't quite as neat as it had been in their first years. But once over the past summer, when James had invited them over, he and Sirius had gotten into a wrestling match right as Remus had arrived.

When Sirius saw him, he had froze and tried patting his hair down.

"I know," he said before Remus could speak, "I look like a mess."

"Maybe," Remus had replied, "but honestly? I could get used to this look." And then he brushed some of Sirius' hair out of his face, the locks soft despite being tousled up and smelling faintly of something sweet.

Ever since then, Sirius seemed to let his hair do its own thing. It irked the purebloods over in Slytherin, so Remus chalked it up to that.

Even now, as they were finishing up and heading to their first class, a few Slytherins were giving Sirius a look of utter revulsion that he ignored.

The girls that had giggled at Remus walked by, bidding him good-bye. And began giggling again when Remus waved, causing him to stop in his tracks again.

Was giggling a girl thing or something? Lily didn't giggle a lot, nor did her friend Marlene. And why were they giggling at him? Usually it was Sirius, who usually got more attention because they wanted to go out with — oh.

"Remus?" Sirius' voice broke into his thoughts.

Remus jumped as if he had been shocked. "Those girls want to go out with me, don't they?" he asked.

Sirius stopped abruptly; James and Peter paused as well, exchanging nervous looks.

"Yes. I thought you already figured that out," Sirius said. He was looking straight ahead, his expression unreadable.

"Well, I didn't."

"So what do you think about it?"

"I don't know," Remus said. And if he did go out with any of the girls, what would they want to do? Hang out? That didn't sound too bad. Hold his hand? He didn't even know their names. Kiss him? No. Make out? Ew! His face heated up and he desperately tried to push it away.

"You can ask them later," Sirius said, still not looking at Remus. "Right now, we're going to be late."

He stormed off.

Remus frowned as he stared at his retreating form, then turned to James and Peter. "What was that all about?"

"It's — well..." James looked uncharacteristically awkward. "I'll talk to him." He ran off before Remus could protest.

What the hell was happening? Remus turned to Peter, hoping he might have some insight.

His expression was that of exasperation and sympathy. "I think he misunderstood you. You better explain it later."

Explain what, though? Remus struggled to understand what Peter meant. Did Sirius think he was interested in the girls? Because that was far from the truth. He'd rather hang out with his friends, namely Sirius. And maybe he thought about holding Sirius' hand now and then and sometimes his lips were a little tempting — oh, fuck.

"Let's just... get to class for now," Remus mumbled. He had a lot of explaining to do.

Whatever James had said to Sirius mustn't have worked for Sirius was still in a mood for the rest of the day. It only grew worse as the same group of girls continued to try and talk to Remus. Now that he knew what their intentions were, it was a little harder to miss the subtle and not-so-subtle hints they dropped, but he didn't want to hurt their feelings.

Finally, one of them broke and asked him outright if he wanted to go with them to Hogsmeade. Remus declined, but not before Sirius had stalked off without a word.

"Excuse me," Remus mumbled and took off after him. "Sirius, wait!"

Sirius stopped and allowed Remus to catch up. "What?" he snapped. "Aren't you going to make plans with her for Hogsmeade?"

"No," Remus said, and Sirius finally looked at him, taken aback.

"Really? But you were blushing when I asked what you thought about it — you're doing it now!"

Sure enough, a flush had crept up Remus' neck. But with that came the revulsion. "No! Well, yes, but that's because I don't want to think about it!"

He could practically see Sirius' mind whirling as he struggled to make sense of his words. "So you don't find any of those girls attractive?"

"Not like that. In fact —" Remus took a deep breath — "I don't think I find anyone attractive."

Oh, fuck, Sirius misinterpreted his words again. His face had fallen.

"Right," he said, his voice wavering. "So you don't want to date anyone?"

"No. Yes? Urgh!" Remus gripped his hair. "I don't know how to explain it. I just — I have never had feelings for anyone for as long as I can remember. Never thought of kissing or — or making out — can't think of anything worse."

Sirius remained silent, his eyes wide as Remus ranted on.

"Until recently with you," Remus continued.

"I — what? Me?" Sirius' eyes went wider still until they looked like they were about to pop right out of his skull.

"Yes," said Remus, his heart pounding as he waited for Sirius' reaction once it sank in. "Well, making out still isn't exactly on my to-do list, but that doesn't change my feelings."

Sirius blinked several times but said nothing.

"Sirius?" Remus prompted nervously.

"So you're saying... that you have feelings... for me?"

"Yes!" Remus let out a huff of laughter. "Do you not return them?"

Sirius continued to stare at him. But now there was a hint of exasperation on his face. "Did my storming out not give you a clue? Of course I return them!"

“Oh.” Remus had somehow and conveniently forgotten. “So now what?”

“Well, there’s a Hogsmeade weekend coming up this weekend.” Sirius sidled up and took a hold of Remus’ hands. “We could hang out.”

“That sounds lovely.”

Sirius grinned. “Perfect. It’s a date!” He skipped off, probably to tell James.

Remus stood there for a moment. Then he remembered. “Oh yeah, dates are a thing.”

He really wasn’t good at the whole romance thing.

**Author's Note:**

> This was really fun to write. I hope you liked it!


End file.
